Trump Vindicated by Still Being Wrong About Wiretapping
A. THE SOURCE
1. Don’t waste your time here.
B. THE TEASE
2. World News Politics puts a pair of quotation marks at the beginning of its patently false statement, without inserting another pair at the end, either (a) in a vain attempt to add a hint of validity to something that no reasonable human being ever would have actually said, or (b) because it’s hard to find a good English teacher in Macedonia.
3. The “official House investigation” (we use two pairs of quotation marks here to attribute this typically imprecise reference to World News Politics, and also to highlight what a total joke the House Intelligence Committee’s Russia inquiry has become) did not confirm that wiretapping “happened on” President Trump (or “Donald J. Trump,” as WNP prefers to call him, in order to make sure that no one mistakenly believes it’s talking about some other chief executive of the United States who claimed to have been illegally wiretapped without a shred of evidence). Rather, the Committee explosively revealed that its obsequious Republican Chairman, Devin Nunes, obtained some information, from somewhere, indicating that someone’s communications about something may have been somehow intercepted via some form of surveillance upon some other individuals sometime in the past few months by some government agency for some undisclosed reason not related to the subject investigation.
4. Full details inside what? Does World News Politics think this is a magazine cover?
5. The Democrats must be embarrassed that President Trump’s baseless claims remain entirely unsubstantiated.
C. THE IMAGE
6. President Trump, pushing his way through the imaginary crowd at his inauguration.
7. Trump always extends his hands toward the camera to make them appear larger than Marco Rubio’s.
8. No wedding ring — it must be Ivanka’s night.
9. Deep breaths, World News Politics … it’s only Day 65. Save some of your giant neon green font for impeachment.
D. THE HEADLINE
10. We doubt that people have stopped everything they’re doing in, say, Equatorial Guinea, to follow the latest flailing Republican effort to cover Trump’s ass. But it’s certainly not for lack of hilariously over-the-top hype. The linked article shouts from atop Mount Olympus: “WOW, this is huge!!! All Trump claims happened to be true! Obama should rot in jail for this!!! Oh god, this is a political earthquake! This is epic shock for everybody! Trump is right once more time [sic], again!!! He is the best president we ever had! God Bless America!”
11. Within the universal laws of time and space commonly referred to as “reality,” Congressman Nunes did not validate Trump’s claim that his “phones” or “wires” were tapped, did not validate Trump’s claim that wiretapping occurred just before the 2016 presidential election, did not validate Trump’s claim that former President Obama ordered wiretapping, did not validate Trump’s claim that wiretapping occurred at Trump Tower, did not validate Trump’s claim that wiretapping “found nothing,” did not validate Trump’s claim that Obama is a “bad (or sick) guy,” did not validate Trump’s claim that he is a victim of “McCarthyism,” and did not validate Trump’s claim that the prior administration was involved in a scandal equivalent to “Nixon/Watergate.” In fact, even after his cryptic announcement that he’d learned of “alarming” new facts about surveillance, Nunes reiterated that he’s still seen no evidence to suggest that Trump’s wiretapping allegations are true — which, of course, they’re not. So the whole world will have to start up again. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Pandering 9/10 • Idiocy 8/10
Banality 3/10 • Vileness 2/10