Comey Dismissed by Trump in Hilariously Disrespectful and Unprofessional Manner
A. THE SOURCE
1. Don’t waste your time here.
B. THE TEASE
2. 98% of America doesn’t give a shit.
3. It’s not a “message” — it’s a childish, poorly written article about how FBI Director James Comey was fired by President Trump, based on material that’s already been extensively and much more credibly reported elsewhere, with an asinine twist. And there isn’t a single rational human being, or even a single Trump supporter, on Planet Earth who needs to view it “immediately” — or, indeed, ever — because that ill-advised decision would be a totally wasted expenditure of neurological activity.
4. 600,000 shares? That might be a new alt-right record. Dream bigly, Liberty Writers. If you garner even a tenth of that, we’ll click on your ad for a weird new device that’s making plastic surgeons furious and check out what Blair from “The Facts of Life” looks like now.
5. Also thank Trump for suddenly changing his story about why he fired Comey while hanging his entire communications staff out to dry and obstructing an investigation into actions of a foreign adversary that undermine American democracy and threaten U.S. national security.
C. THE IMAGE
6. FBI Director Comey, wondering if he should send another letter to members of Congress informing them of a dream he had last night about Hillary Clinton’s emails.
7. Despite Liberty Writers’ surreptitious hue adjustment, Comey still looks more nauseous than “scarlet.”
8. Although Liberty Writers wants us to think this photo captures the exact moment Comey found out he’d been canned, it actually was taken two months ago, when Comey still had the pleasure of working for an absurdly insecure egomaniac.
D. THE HEADLINE
9. No part of this story occurred “before” Trump fired Comey, since it’s about how Trump fired Comey.
10. Here’s where things get a little more confusing. The linked article initially suggests that President Trump’s “secret message” to Comey was a news report about his dismissal that Comey saw on TV while he was giving a speech to FBI agents in Los Angeles, which is pretty much the opposite of “secret.” The article’s author, presumed Macedonian “Paris Swade” (who describes himself as “the best writer on the Internet” and boasts that he “helped get Donald Trump elected President” but for his own reasons has chosen to use the most obviously made-up name in history) is amused by the unusual sequence of events. Showing off his unparalleled literary skills, Swade elegantly writes, “Hahahaha. This dude literally found out that he was fired from watching the television.” The article then reproduces the termination letter from Trump that Comey didn’t actually receive until he returned to Washington, highlighting the first letters of four lines of text running vertically down the left margin — “I,” “W,” “i,” and “n”, which spells out “I Win” — get it? (This clever decoding is all the more impressive when you consider that English almost certainly is not Mr. Swade’s first language.) So evidently that is Trump’s “secret message.” Alas, the gleeful gloatation is garbled by the inconvenient interposition of three other lines of text between the “I” line and the “Win” lines starting with the letters “t,” “I,” and “r”, making the full message “It Ir Win.” Perhaps that means something in Macedonia.
11. Interestingly, the URL for the linked article refers to Comey turning “crimson.” Editors — sheesh.
E. THE NUDGE
12. More masterful prose from Paris. Yes, it’s “frickin’ amazing” that our immature, unstable president chose the most classless and unprofessional way he could think of to dismiss a dedicated civil servant who, despite making some well-known errors in judgment, provided years of loyal service to our nation. Good luck to the poor bastard who comes next.
Pandering 6/10 • Idiocy 6/10
Banality 7/10 • Vileness 5/10