North Korea Infuriates Trump by Acting Same Way It Always Does
A. THE SOURCE
1. Don’t waste your time here.
B. THE TEASE
2. President Trump is so furious about North Korea that he jetted down to Palm Beach for another relaxing weekend of golf and groping at his Mar-a-Lago resort. Hopefully he won’t run into the health inspector.
3. We assume that when World News Politics makes mention of “our” country, it’s doing so figuratively, unless it’s referring to Macedonia.
4. That’s it — only 10,000 likes to support the United States of Trump when we’re teetering on the brink of pseudo-nuclear war? Just two installments ago we featured another ginned up missive from one of World News Politics’ partner fake news sites asking for 500,000 likes to support the firing of FBI Director Jim Comey. Guess the price of freedom is cheap after all.
5. Looks like World News Politics accidentally switched off all-caps for a second there, which nearly ruined the ambiance of its non-stop shouting. Luckily it compensated for its error by using five exclamation points at the end of the sentence.
C. THE IMAGE
6. President Trump, just one more bad poll result away from going MOAB on North Korea’s ass.
7. North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong Un, terrified by Trump’s tweets of mass destruction, also hungry for pie.
D. THE HEADLINE
8. Remember when alt-right conservatives wanted America to stay out of foreign conflicts? It was around the same time they believed that NATO was obsolete, thought China was a currency manipulator, and advocated raising interest rates.
9. What Kim did was threaten to go to war with the United States, which actually is pretty thinkable, since he’s done it every single day for the past five years.
10. If you bother to go to the linked article and make it past the giant anatomically-illustrated ad offering to share “1 crazy trick to fix your erectile dysfunction” (which reveals a lot about the target audience), you won’t find any evidence that President Trump is “furious,” or, indeed, any discussion of Trump’s emotional state whatsoever. The article doesn’t even directly quote Trump at all, instead inserting a video clip of a recent interview with the President about North Korea on the Fox Business Network, in which, if anything, he sounds unnaturally calm and dismissive (the clip’s YouTube title describes Trump as “coy”). When asked how the U.S. will respond to North Korea’s continued defiance, Trump simply shrugs and replies, “You never know, do you? You never know.” The article concludes rather incongruously, proclaiming that Trump has performed an Easter miracle by ending Kim’s rule in some unspecified way, and then warning that, if Kim conducts another nuclear test, it will result in “World War 3.” No exclamation point was deemed necessary.
Pandering 9/10 • Idiocy 6/10
Banality 3/10 • Vileness 6/10