Exhibit 0001

Police Rescue of Suicidal Man Triggers Non-Existent Racial Controversy

Police Officers and Man on Bridge


1. Don’t waste your time here.


2. Conservative Tribune — and conservative media generally — is obsessed with Black Lives Matter. The organization, not the concept.

3. Conservative Tribune also likes writing hyperbolic words in all caps. It’s a handy way of identifying which of its wild-eyed assertions are the most patently absurd.

4. You’d think the police pushed the guy off the bridge and took a few shots at him on the way down. Most of Conservative Tribune’s “law and order” readership probably would conclude that was a reasonable use of force in response to loitering while black. As it turns out, however, the cops merely talked to the suicidal man, grabbed him before he could jump, and saved his life.

5. Why would this be “very controversial” with “liberal protesters”? Because in the all-or-nothing, with-us-or-against-us world of right-wing absolutists, liberals who are opposed to police brutality hate cops. So whenever police officers do something good, it ruins a liberal’s day.

6. Conservative Tribune implies that there’s some kind of a dispute here so readers will flock to the article to affirm their unwavering support for South Carolina’s Finest. But when they do, they will be disappointed to learn that these cops need no one to defend them, because they’ve been universally lauded as heroes.


7. Left: random police officers who are not the same ones involved in the incident.

8. Right: some white dude in a suit who looks like he’s touring the bridges of Madison County. The actual bridge was a considerably less romantic highway overpass.


9. Yes, you can almost hear the angry shouting at the BLM Fortress of Evil: “This exemplary act of policing will not stand! Deploy Al Sharpton!”


10. The only “narrative” this story doesn’t fit is the phony one that conservatives attribute to Black Lives Matter so they can continue to knock it down. In the article, Conservative Tribune haughtily declares that “contrary to the assertions of the Black Lives Matter movement, most police officers do what they were sworn to do — serve and protect.” Which apparently means that if one of the remaining officers shoots an unarmed black man in the back, there’s no reason for anyone to get worked up about it.

11. That’s one great advantage of being a conservative — everything’s for sure.


Pandering 7/10 • Idiocy 8/10
Banality 2/10 • Vileness 5/10